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Fundraising Before, During & After COVID-19 Restrictions & Fabulous Board Additions

July 14, 2020

With restrictions put in place since the COVID-19 virus and concerns for public safety, we had to take a step back from some of our community fundraisers for this year, including our fabulous Sy’s Sizzlin’ Pageant, and explore other creative endeavors to keep going.  Our Rock, Paper, Scissors was held live the beginning of March in Keene NH before constraints were in place.   In May we held an online yoga fundraiser with yoga and mindfulness teacher Larissa Hall Carlson that was well attended in the “zoom room” and 5 of our applicants were funded with donations received from that event.  Many thanks go out to Larissa, as well as to everyone who donated and attended; we felt the love.  Larissa has discussed the possibility of doing the yoga event annually for Sy’s Fun:D which would be fantastic! For those who would like more information about Larissa’s work, including free audio meditations and yoga and breathwork videos, as well as online programs for mindfulness, check out her website:

Equally essential, we want to express great appreciation to those of you who are instrumental in our ability to fund those in need by holding Facebook fundraisers or donating through the website or mail as we continue to navigate these unchartered waters. You all are our champions, you really are!  And to add to our list of gratitude, today I heard from Hank Newman, who runs what I refer to as functional yoga classes online; his yoga has been very helpful for me personally in dealing with pain from my movement disorder.  But I digress; Hank offers free classes 3x a week and has a plan in place with students who still choose to donate to attend class; they all decide as a group where they would like that money to go. Hank talked with the group about Sy’s Fun:D and they chose to donate some of their funds to us!  We are quite honored.  If you would like more information on Hank’s classes, please email him at

Good news about our golf tournament: With states now opening back up, we are on track for golf which is scheduled for Saturday, August 15th  at Pine Grove Springs Golf Course in Spofford NH; to learn more and/or to sign up, visit:  And for our Sizzlin’ pageant fans, Eric will be working toward making next year’s pageant extra sparkly and fun to make up for needing to cancel this year’s event.

Other excellent news: We are super excited to welcome two new board members to Sy’s Fun:D; Jamie Ruloph and Tina Ranney will officially join us in August!  Stay tuned for more about these fabulous women as well as other board members in a future post!  I also want to take this opportunity to thank our long-time treasurer Melissa Kress, who is stepping out of her current role to put her energy into helping with other creative endeavors on the board.  I have much gratitude for the years Melissa has spent going above and beyond the job description as treasurer;  she has truly have been a force in helping us move forward over the years and I am so happy that she will continue to share ideas and insights with us as we continue to grow.

And so we yield to change, not always knowing how we will meet our goal of funding as many applicants as possible, but knowing that there are many people who care and help along the way, and this gives us renewed energy when we need it most.  If you or anyone you know have ideas for or would like to organize an event to help raise money for Sy’s Fun:D, we welcome your assistance; please contact  For those who can and would like to make a monetary donation, these can be done through the website, or via mail addressed to Sy’s Fund, PO Box 3549, Ramona, CA. 92065.  Thank you.

A Message About COVID-19 from SY’S FUN:D

July 14, 2020
As an organization, we at Sy’s Fun:d recognize that with ongoing covid-19 surges throughout the country, many individuals and families have been and continue to be seriously impacted personally, and we hold you in our thoughts. Amidst the fear, anxiety, and stress it is often hard to remember that the things needed most during times like these are in fact patience, compassion, and understanding toward others as well as ourselves. We see the innumerable acts of courage within the health care community and recognize with great admiration and sincere appreciation the acts of concern and kindness on the part of many people, businesses, agencies, and organizations within communities. Medical staff working overtime, people sewing masks and donating supplies, and neighbors checking in on one another; these things warm our hearts. Please keep those with weakened immune systems and serious health risks in mind and continue to whatever is necessary for the well-being of others, such as masking up in public, maintaining social distancing, avoiding large crowds, and practicing safe hygiene in the days ahead. We are all in this together, and together we can make a difference.

Positive Distractions Nourish the Soul

July 14, 2020

Deanna and her children.

Much has changed in such a short period of time since the COVID-19 pandemic hit.  The limited freedom I, along with others, have experienced these past few months has certainly reinforced the importance of having positive distractions, driving home the value of what Sy’s Fun:D provides for young adults living with cancer.  Think about the challenges of keeping a calm mind over the past few months, and of the things that have sustained you most during this time, allowing you those much-needed mental breaks.  Undoubtedly staying connected with loved ones in whatever ways possible has been number one for most of us. What else have you done to get through these tough times?  Have you reconnected with nature, taken up gardening, learned a new craft, spent more time cooking/baking, attended webinars via zoom, or done group video chats with friends to stay in touch?  Taking the time to “nourish our souls,” even during the rough times or maybe more so then, is essential to our well-being.

It makes my heart beam big knowing how the gifts we fund our recipients often give them something to focus on outside of cancer, providing a positive distraction as well.  For Deanna, a young woman from Keene, NH, the new mattress we funded has brought much needed comfort during her chemotherapy treatments for breast cancer, helping her to rest easier, and giving more energy to keep up with her children.  We also recently funded an electric guitar to James, a 36-year-old musician from Tennessee who is being treated for leukemia.  James shared with me that it was refreshing for him to find our organization, which he expressed “focuses on the person and what they love, as opposed to the disease.”  He describes the work we do here as “providing gifts to feed the human spirit.”   I love that and it rings true to the conversations I have had with other recipients I have spoken with over the years.

If you are able and would like to donate to Sy’s Fun:D to help us continue providing the gifts that afford positive distractions for young adults with cancer, you can do so here through the website, or via mail if preferred:  Sy’s Fund, PO Box 3549, Ramona, CA. 92065.

No donation is too small, and your assistance helps tremendously with the work we do.  Thank you.

What is your passion or hobby?

April 1, 2020

What is your passion or hobby?

The first week in April is Young Adult Cancer Awareness Week.  We asked several young adults who are living with cancer what they love to do, and below are their responses.  A big thank you to Tananya, Drew, Ashli, Amber and Tanya for sharing their passions/hobbies with us. 

Tananya, age 20, diagnosed with a brain tumor at age 15

My name is Ms. Tananya Barr; I was diagnosed with Medulloblastoma, Brain Tumor at the age of 15 years old. I underwent Chemo and radiation, along with surgery. It wasn’t the greatest time for me at all with other health aliments that I live with every day.

However, with the help of My mother and my self-determination to finish school, high school played a very important role in my life. I’m very passionate about my education and love to learn so that’s one of the reasons I changed my life on the way I see food and animals.

One, I became a vegan due to the cruelty of the way I see how people treat animals and my passion also stems from this, developing the interest in becoming a Vet assistant. I love to read and exercise, which is very important to include in my life.  I also love to paint, and I love learning about History; the world we live in is so fascinating!

Even though we are hit with such challenges with our health we continue to pursue to live no matter what. I will not allow what happened to me to dictate how I live; that’s why I’m so grateful to have Ms. Lorraine and Sy’s Fund to help me and mom by providing massage therapy for me

Thank you so much this makes a huge difference in my life. I’m passionate about taking care of myself the best the way I can. Really and it takes a good support system to do so. Thank you SY’s  Fund !!!!

Drew, Chronic Myeloid Leukemia, age 28

I recently graduated from chiropractic school, and absolutely love what I get to do; to see patients get healthier and improve their overall life through their health.  It also keeps me active physically, and I have always enjoyed a high-intensity workout at the gym.  But, after the recent diagnosis, I have learned more than ever that I need to slow down to enjoy things too.  So, I have upped my reading, yoga, and meditation.  But, specifically with reading, it has always been a joy for me, and now I make it a point to read more frequently.  Growing up, I always wanted to read about sports, my favorite players, teams, etc.  Now, I read about health and self-improvement.  My two favorite authors currently are Ryan Holliday and Brene Brown, but I enjoy so many other books in this ‘healthy lifestyle and self-improvement’ genre.  I enjoy the energy and inspiration that reading in the morning gives me, and the grounding presence and peace it provides in the evening; helping me feel ready for the day or ready for bed all within the same book.

Ashli, diagnosed with thyroid cancer during college; diagnosed with breast cancer at 36

As an English major and a former English educator, words are my life. The ability to read a poem or short story and have an immediate connection is more than a hobby- it’s a love.

Sy’s Fund has given me a way to put my passion for storytelling into action, with a brand new laptop. I’ve completed quite a few chapters and the feedback has been amazing.  I’m truly appreciative of the support and encouragement from your foundation.

Amber, age 32, was diagnosed with breast cancer at age 30.
Whenever I have a spare moment you will find me knitting or gardening. I started knitting in 2010 to gift my bridesmaids something handmade, something that would let them know how grateful I was to have them in my life. Since then, knitting has become a creative outlet and source of peace. Gardening is something I have been drawn to since making mudpies in frisbees in my grandparents’ backyard. There is just something about playing in the dirt that I expect I will never outgrow.

Tanya, age 39, diagnosed with breast cancer at age 35

My hobby is volunteerism. I have been a member of a volunteer group for almost 18 years and I love it. During Triple Negative cancer battle in 2018 and in 2019 (in 2020 I found out cancer is metastatic and spread to other areas, I am currently still in fight for my life and will never give up!) I was President of Hunt Volunteers.

The biggest joy I receive is giving and helping others. My motto is, see a need; fill a need. The volunteer organization serves downtown Dallas and surrounding areas.

We have several projects that I help chair which are so special to me. One of them being the annual back to school project which I started is the school uniform drive called Student Angels.

We are able to work together with our coworkers’ donations and able to provide hundreds of complete uniforms. The elementary school we partner with primarily has students that come from homeless shelters and do not have the means to purchase school clothes and supplies. This project is very special to me and means so much that we get to impart some joy into these students’ lives and help make a difference. I have been blessed to either co-chair or chair this project for about 14 years now and it is remarkable to watch it grow and improve each year.

Sy’s Sizzler planned for June 27th

March 25, 2020

It’s already (or finally, depending on how you look at things I suppose) March.

Scintillant Sizzler Gertie Galore AKA Eric Eichner

I’m sitting here planning for our 8th annual Sy’s Sizzlers “Womanless Beauty Pageant,” and just postponed our 3rd annual strategy/planning meeting for the event because Massachusetts has closed all of its bars/restaurants, and while the meeting takes place in NH it’s better to be “safe” than “sorry”- we’re pretty cognizant of that given who the people we help are- those with compromised immune systems (generally speaking)- those young adults who need some normalcy in their lives.  Our event goal hasn’t changed. We are still planning for the June 27th Sizzler’s event. The name will change this year. Why? OH, I am so glad you asked-there have been inquiries from women who want to be drag kings. We have two people who want to participate as kings and are “committed” to the show. That’s a big enough number for me, so this year the Sizzlers will have two “winners”- a Drag Queen and Drag King. Other changes? The show’s name? Not sure yet, got other things on our minds. Wait, what was that- “didn’t you change enough last year?” well…not all changes come from “the top”- we will have a different emcee this year- rumor has it Miss Mocha De-lite will be in command of that mic all night and Miss Rita da Cheetah will be spinning the platters (pushing buttons these days?) providing music and mayhem all evening. Mocha and Rita are (undeniably) crowd favorites and will definitely bring a charged atmosphere into the room in new ways.  With Mocha and Rita otherwise occupied, it also means newer and first-time contestants to step onto the runway- which always “shakes things up”.  It is hard for me to not get “jazzed” about this event- it is how I became involved with Sy’s Fun:D and touches my heart deeply. Also, it has been the bridge that brought me to not only getting to know our board members, but to becoming one, as well as becoming (I hope) lifelong friends with them.  Set June 27th aside so you don’t miss the show- it will be different (isn’t it always?) and exciting.

I know it is a difficult time right now and that you may not be able to support Sy’s Fun:D as much as you would like or have in the past. I understand that; I am a selectman in my town and available time and funds won’t be what they normally are this year for our town, or myself. I think this year we will see some charitable organizations “take a hit” because we need to also help our community in other ways right now with schools closed and many people barred from working.  Those of us who can are helping to make sure that people in our towns have childcare and food. Friends have set up local (like in their truck local) “food banks” to help those in need. At Sy’s Fun:D, we always want our fund-raising events to grow- to spread the warmth and love, to raise more money to help more people. Take good care of your immediate community first, and then please continue to support Sy’s Fun:D as you can.

For now, I’m window shopping for that “perfect” dress for the show, planning for that to go on, but also prepared to postpone the show if needed. Do no harm, and help others, right?  Normally I’d say skip that coffee and donate $5 to Sy’s Fun:D , but today if the coffee place is open please support them. If they are closed support your local community as best as you can to offset the immediate crisis we are experiencing.  If you have some money left over, well heck ya send us some too but if you can’t I understand and am not disappointed nor judgey. We will still be here working to bring those meaningful gifts that bring some sense of normalcy to the young adults battling cancer and other long-term serious illnesses. Sorry, no new pageant shoes for me this year- that $50 goes to Sy’s Fun:D.


December 8, 2019


snow angel The holiday season is here ~ for many people that means getting together with family and friends for festivities, perhaps baking, decorating, and gift giving depending on tradition and family culture. For the young adults we serve, things are often much more complex, as cancer doesn’t take time out for the holidays. They may be undergoing chemotherapy, surgeries, or hospitalizations as well as dealing with a lot of emotions, many of them scary. They may be too ill to go out and do many of the things we often take for granted.

“OPERATION SNOW ANGEL” is our online wintertime campaign created as an opportunity to spread a bit of joy into the lives of the young adults who apply to Sy’s Fun:D. This year we will be sending one of our very cool blue stainless-steel water bottles complete with our logo, to those who donate $30 or more, while supplies last.

Over the past few months we have been chipping away at our waitlist, which includes our recent funding of massage therapy to Jonathan, a young man with testicular cancer who suffers with debilitating headaches, as well as with a yoga membership for a young woman from our wait list. We still have several other applicants on our wait list who need funding, and hopefully we will be able to fund them as well as open our application process back up by the end of our “OPERATION SNOW ANGEL” fundraising campaign.

A bit about the people currently on our wait list:

  • Meaghan, 18, has Stage II Hodgkin’s lymphoma and struggles with severe neuropathy, fatigue, headaches and nausea. Acupuncture is helpful for these symptoms and is her request.
  • Nick, 35, has acute lymphoblastic leukemia and has been in and out of the hospital frequently this past year. Nick has a mountain bike in mind.
  • Kaci, 31, has breast cancer and the gift she would find most helpful is equine therapy as she finds this very relaxing.
  • ”E,” is a young woman of 26 who has breast cancer; her request from Sy’s Fun:D is acupuncture treatments to help control her symptoms.

Thank you in advance for your donations, and for sharing our event and inviting others to this fundraiser so that they may have the opportunity to help make a difference as well. Each donation brings us that much closer to our goal of funding more young adults in need during a time in their lives when they can most use it.

We hope that the new year is a prosperous one for you and your family, and most importantly that you are blessed with good health and surrounded by loving, supportive people who enrich your lives with just what you need most.

donate now button


December 8, 2019


As a small but mighty organization, we are constantly thinking about ways to cast our net further, with the goal of serving even more young adults who are struggling with cancer or ongoing medical issues related to their cancer or treatments.  This autumn we had to put a temporary hold on new applications while we work to secure donations to help us fund those applicants on our wait list; it was a necessary but difficult decision, as well as a clear indicator that what we provide is unique and something that is needed in the young adult cancer community. And so, we are humbly reaching out for help.

In my life there have been times when I have wanted to lend support to someone or something, but not known quite how to do it, or perhaps have felt that what I had to offer wasn’t what was needed, so ended up shying away. Now I realize that my support is usually welcome in one way or another; either in its original form or in another way that I hadn’t thought of myself.  Interestingly, in these situations where I push myself to do something out of my comfort zone, I typically end up having a good time and end up reaping benefits I wasn’t thinking about going into it. That said, I’m now encouraging you to take the risk and reach out; we would love for you to join in if our mission resonates with you, and there are many ways to do so.  

What are your passions and personal strengths?  Maybe you are good at researching grants, have a gift with graphic design, or are great with words and writing, or love fundraising. Perhaps you have experience in the legal field or are a social butterfly and do well with networking and pulling groups of people together or have great organizational skills.  These are all talents that we could put to good use. Are you part of a club or organization that gifts other nonprofits such as ours, or work for a company that matches the donations you make to charities and you’ve just been waiting for the right one to donate to? Can you see yourself planning and organizing a small (or large, or in-between) fundraiser to benefit Sy’s Fun:D, or becoming part of a fundraising committee to work with others to raise money for Sy’s Fun:D?  Can you envision doing a short video of yourself telling people why you support Sy’s Fun:D, or reading one of the thank you letters we have received from recipients to share on social media? stars

If you are interested in helping us stretch our wings further, and if any of the above things resonates with you, or if you have other ideas of your own, we would love to hear from you.  Please email us at, and share your thoughts with us. 

Thanks so much!



December 8, 2019


Lorraine by the sea
  1. Our wonderful supporters – Your generosity is enough to make even the Grinch’s heart grow 5 sizes bigger and warms mine to no end. We have funded 24 young adults so far this year; thank you to everyone who gave of monetary donations, volunteered at our events, provided donations of gift certificates or other goodies for our events, and to those who hosted face book fundraisers for birthdays or other holidays (we have raised over $3,100 from these alone in 2019 as of today, which is so cool). 
  2. The young adults we are privileged to serve – Dealing with cancer is hard work physically, emotionally, and mentally; the ability to help through the gifts we give, to make a difference in people’s lives in such tangible ways, is invaluable on so many levels.  Some powerful words we have heard from our recipients: that the gift they received from Sy’s Fun:D helped them to feel more like who they were before cancer struck; that they found themselves smiling in way that they had not done in a while; and that it is very moving it is to know that people who don’t even know them personally care so much. 
  3. Our Board of Directors – truly it is a pleasure to work side by side (or in my case predominately via video chat) with everyone who represents Sy’s Fun:D on our Board of Directors.  While we discuss serious business and do the work needed to move forward, we also laugh together, rejoice at the good news in one another’s lives, and provide shoulders to lean on during the rough spots. And because they know me so well, when my ideas get too crazy, they reel me in.  
  4. Getting Sy’s Fun:D settled into a new office space – It’s been a little over a year since I made the big move from Massachusetts to the west coast. And I must admit, while New England will have my heart forever, Southern California is a gorgeous state with its majestic mountains and fresh ocean air all close by, not to mention the warm sunny weather that graces us a good part of the year, and the oranges and limes I can pick fresh from my front yard! I have been given the blessing of a loving sweetheart as well, something I wasn’t prepared to find at this time in my life. Of course, there have been moments – sometimes days even, where I felt overwhelmed with getting Sy’s Fun:D settled into a new place. Eventually the office was painted, curtains hung, boxes unpacked, and files put away.  The photo of Sy in his Red Sox hat now hangs proudly in the new office, his mischievous smile and that twinkle in his brilliant blues captured forever in time. 
  5. Making new friends amidst the “old” forever friends – When I was in Brownies, we used to sing a song that went, “make new friends but keep the old, one is silver and the other gold.”  I didn’t quite grasp the meaning of that at the age of seven, when I was still trying to figure out how to bring my troll dolls to life so that I could boss them into cleaning my room, but I get it now.  Since moving to California, I have met many wonderful people, and I also got to spend time with many of my loved ones throughout the year, making new memories. Sy’s Fun:D is making new friends along the way as well, and we are as appreciative of each new supporter as we are of our older “golden” friends. Oh, and I had the honor of meeting up with Eric Galvez from MassKickers this year, truly a highlight for me. He’s brilliant, big hearted, and an incredible inspiration.  Check out his foundation at:  
I know that life is not always easy, and sometimes it’s more difficult than any of us could have imagined it to be.  I hope that you all have felt celebrated through your good times and supported and surrounded with love through your rough times in 2019.      

2019 Sy’s Fun:D Sizzler’s Womanless Beauty Pageant

June 4, 2019

Golly, its that time of year already: The 7th annual Sy’s Fun:D Sizzler’s Womanless Beauty Pageant. Coming soon. June 29th soon.

This will be my 4th year as a participant, 2nd year on the planning/setting up end of things, and actually my 1st year “totally in charge”, we’ve changed not only venues but city and state as well as what is included for our attendees…so, no pressure here.

Changes- We have come (back) to Keene, NH. We’ll be in the function room at Willie Mac’s Restaurant (located at the Best Western just off the Winchester Street round-a-bout.)

What does coming back to Keene mean? Well, it’s where Silas went to college (Go Keene State!) and where the Sizzler event started, so in a sense, we’re coming “home”.

This year attendees don’t have to order pizza delivered from down the street- we’ve included pub style finger foods in the ticket price. Plus, a full cash bar AND if you want a meal Willie Mac’s will be happy to serve before the show…probably during the show too if you ask nicely. But really, come eat dinner and then enjoy the show with some snacks.

The function room holds about 100 guests (after we add up all our “voluntolds” and participants ) so, seating is limited this year.

We’re offering 5 tables (each seat 10 people) up for grabs at a discount – while they last – and there are also individual seats available. Tickets/tables are on sale now.

We have 10 contestants already signed up- seven returning Sizzlers and three new Sizzlers. It is going to be an awesome show- veteran Sizzlers, “newbies”, fresh ideas, dancing, my horrible singing…

This is our second year taking donations for “Sponsor Spots” in our “program” that we hand out free to all who come. “Eric, what does this mean?” It means that we can bring in more money to fund our applicants while giving those sponsors some really nice exposure for their donation.

Last year our “photo booth” was a huge hit, so we’re bringing that back so that everyone can have a picture with their favorite Sizzlers.

What does all this mean? Well, hopefully, a sold-out show that will force us to move to one of the Best Western’s function rooms next year where we can still enjoy Willie Mac’s food and drink…but, frankly, that’s dreaming quite big. Back to reality…I hope we raise more money this year than last year so we can help more of our applicants. Yes, it is that simple.

The “we” I mention time and time again is not just Sy’s Fun:D , its Board of Directors, sponsors , and “voluntolds.” It is YOU too, because without you we’d just be group of people with lofty ideas and no money to implement those ideas. YOU attend “our” events and donate money, for that I am unspeakably grateful.

See you on June 29th!

Water Bodies – A Poem by Jesse Sorrell

April 14, 2019
Water Bodies was written by Jesse Sorrell, recipient of Sy’s Fun:D.  Jesse’s work as a resident chaplain in palliative care at UNC continues into his second year now; we are humbled by both his work and poignant writing.

Water Bodies

by Jesse Sorrell

The parents of a purple, dying child
name me the midnight chaplain with the scar.
I travel the hospital as water,
an ocean of tears, spilling, baptizing
in a name of names, all things holy.
High tide carries us into morning.

The ocean curls around us this morning,
pulses of innocence, rhythm of child.
They notice my neck, pulsing gash. Your scar?
They wonder. I wander, always, baptizing
wordless stories of bodies and water.

My throat dries. I search, all ways, water.
We wade into the silver-gray morning.
Am I like the ancient ones, baptizing
life dim unto silence inside this child?
It must be obvious, I know. The scar,
a mouth on my neck, drinking death. Holy.

My eyes search their room for something holy,
like what swims and breathes in deep, dark waters.
Would I be here if it weren’t for the scar?
I could be other places this morning.
Lullabies swell and crest, washing the child
with hope and dream and would-be, baptizing.

Tidal memories wash me, baptizing
all I’ve held and tasted. All things holy.
I swim the blue recesses of my child
body. Dad at my side, we float. Water
buoys us with salt and dream. Morning
light swims me awake: eyes open, warm scar.

I catch their long stare, eyes tracing. My scar?
I tread water, even now, baptizing
children awake into rest, this mourning.
A fatherless chaplain praying holy
mystery into bodies of water.
The parents thrash water, lifting their child.

I leave them to orbit their tidal child,
swimming the ocean I carry. Water,
scarred ritual, body memory: holy.

Jesse SorrelA note from Jesse: Sy’s Fund helped me attend a writing workshop on the Oregon coast last spring with one of the most powerful authors I have ever read, Lidia Yuknavitch.  Lidia’s memoir Chronology of Water affirmed my lived experience and seized me with the truth that I needed to meet and write with her.  In our first private conversation at the workshop, near-speechless and awed, I remember fumbling something like, “I don’t know what it is that connects me to your life/book.”  For one, it isn’t just one thing because our lives have both differences and multiverse overlap.  Now I can articulate, in addition to both being very good swimmers, embodied trauma and loss generate our loving and creating.

Since the workshop, I have been taking online poetry courses through Corporal Writing with Lidia’s equally loving and powerful sister, Brigid.  Water Bodies is a poetic experiment in the form of a sestina that I wrote in Brigid’s class “Perceiving Form: Forming Perception.” Something deep within and beyond created words to current the meaning I make from being diagnosed with stage III melanoma two years ago, at age 28, while I was a resident chaplain in the same hospital where my dad died of cancer in 1999.  Water Bodies is a love story that helps me live with cancer loss as I remember and regenerate.